Top Ten Favorite Things About Infertility

10. No more timed intercourse - we just have sex for fun - unless Mr. Scuba is having sex with a cup...

9. No more pesky two week waits each month. I will know full well whether or not I might be pregnant

8. How many people get a picture of their baby at conception

7. Not nearly as many crazy's drive by's and trolls on the infertility board. I think they might be afraid of us, I mean IF is contagious right?

6. Meeting amazingly strong, beautiful and supportive women who know exactly how you feel

5. I can drink whenever I want without worry... well almost

4. If another heroin addict decides to burglarize my home, they will probably go straight to the needles and leave the rest of my crap alone!

3. If I have a breakdown for no reason - I can just blame it on the IF

2. Any weight gain can also be blamed on good old IF

and the number 1 favorite thing about infertility - LUCKY SOCKS!

Birthday in Banff

I had a wonderful amazing birthday with my husband in Calgary and Banff. They sent him there for business over my birthday, so as a gift, he took me too! I had a wonderful 5 day birthday vacation. I did a little shopping, ate some great food, stood on a glacier, and spent time with my wonderful husband in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my life!

Just outside Banff

Lake Louise

Mr. Scuba on a glacier

At first I didn't really feel like I was in a different country, but then I started noticing some very different things.

• everyone seemed really nice and smiled a lot!
• everything was clean and felt safe. I didn't see one piece of litter or graffiti anywhere!
• The Canadian police have WAY cooler uniforms than the police in the States. 
• A LOT more people smoke there. 
• If you don't make a reservation at a restaurant, no matter how empty the restaurant is, you are guaranteed a table by the bathrooms!
• All the hotels have HUGE fluffy pillows. They look great, but oh my poor neck.
• Even when inside out of the cold, no one takes their jackets, gloves, or hats off. I didn't want to look out of place, but I was sweating like a crazy person!
• Canadians seem to respect there environment a lot which I love!
• My favorite thing - the maternity leave is PAID for a whole YEAR!!!!!!

The crazy thing is that with all the wonderful things we got to do, my favorite thing was the last hour before I had to go to the airport. Mr. Scuba and I spent 30 minutes walking around a beautiful park, holding hands and just talking. I enjoyed that one on one time with him more than anything I have done in a very long time. 

What in the Hell Was That?

So about midnight I woke up with the worst cramps I have ever felt in my entire life! I thought my body was trying to compress my uterus out of existence. I ended up in the shower vomiting just praying the heat would help. About 30 minutes and a lot of chunks later (I know great visual right? Imagine how my drain feels) I finally started to feel better. There was actually a moment where I considered calling an ambulance because something had to be really really wrong.

Once the pain subsided I finally fell asleep. I called my REs office in the morning and the nurse thinks it was just that I am so close to the placebo on the birth control pills and the hormones are messing with me. She said if it happens again to come in but that she isn't worried. Well she wasn't me in that shower last night!

What 9lbs and $2,076 looks like

HOLY $H!T

I Need Your Help Readers!

Ok wonderful readers, I really need your help. There is a small possibility that I will have 3-4 weeks off of work during my IVF cycle. I love that I may have the opportunity to really make this experience as positive as possible rather than trying to do 3 peoples job in half the time. I would love to just focus on this experience and not have to worry about the unbearable stress at work, but I also don't want to have too much time on my hands to obsess over the cycle.

So here is where I need your help: If you didn't have to work during your IVF cycle what would you do with your time during the stim period, the ER and transfer, bedrest, and the two week wait? I can use all the ideas I can get to keep me busy, focused, and positive. Thanks in advance!!

Over 1 Million and Counting!

Last week we started seeing sperm on the microscope so we decided that it was time to get back to the lab. On Friday we got another 200,000 sample into cryo. Today, we got another 200,000 sample into cryo. We now have a total of more than 1 million sperm. Mr. Scuba will go back again on Wednesday and on Friday. We don't know how long this will go on for.

This is just so crazy. This is the first time since August that we have seen anything on the microscope and we started seeing it exactly when we predicted that we would - approximately 70 days from the last time. This means that Mr. Scuba does produce sperm, but only for 1 week out of every 70 days. It was an absolute miracle that we used the mircoscope for the first time on the right week, and it is a miracle that we were able to find them again.

This is making me and the doctors feel better about our chances with IVF. Each additional sample frozen makes the chances of empty eggs at retreival seem smaller and smaller. I am so thankful for that!

This Should Be A Good Day

But I can't stop crying. I start Birth Control Pills today for our IVF cycle. I thought this post was going to be how freaking ironic it is that I have to take birth control to get pregnant. Not today. I am blogging in tears instead.

We got horrible news today from the doctor that the meds Mr. Scuba was taking are no longer working and the pituitary has shut down and the testicles have given up. We took him off the meds and are hoping against all odds that maybe without the meds we will get some random reset and somehow start seeing sperm again.

My work environment has become almost unbearable. We really need the money, but I am just not sure how much I am willing to put up with anymore. Mr. Scuba thinks that it is time for me to put in my resignation even without another job. I would love nothing more, but I may have another offer coming soon and I think I am going to wait to see if I get that job. Either way, I think I need to spare myself the stress during my IVF cycle. I don't know how it is going to happen, but I need to figure it out soon.

We have been trying to sell our house for 2 years now and even though we had a showing today, we still can't get it sold. I am going insane. I am so tired of living in this house with all the burglaries and drive-by shootings. I am so ready to move on, but we can't move on from even this!

My sanity really needs something to break. I don't know what, but something needs to give. I really hope it's the kid, but honestly a lot needs to give right now. I just don't know how much more I can take.

Even though this day has sucked and am still trying to be as excited as possible about beginning our IVF journey!!

The Best IF Sister EVER

Check out my awesome IVF care package:

On the first day of my cycle that marks the beginning of
our IVF journey, my most amazing and wonderful friend known by bump name Gregermis sent me an incredible care package. It had awesome candy, foot scrub, scented candles, an amazing card, a beautiful poem, and amazing socks. She actually hand knitted the penguin pair!!!!!!!

Yes, it has a tail!!!

Gregermis and I met on the bump board back when we were both gleefully new to trying to get pregnant. We became fast friends and trying to conceive buddies. We even got to meet when I was in Seattle last October for my birthday. She has become one of my closest friends in such a short time. She is the friend who truly understands how I feel. We talk almost everyday. Somehow both of us got that dreaded invite to the silent sororiety of infertility. As we have navigated this painful new world, we have laughed, we have cried, and we understand so clearly the pain the other feels. She has become so incredibly important to me. I wish that someone I love so much didn't have to go through this painful journey, but I feel so blessed to have someone who I love and trust to go through this with. Gregermis, you are an amazing, generous, talented, beautiful woman! Thank you for being in my life.

The Stork Balloon Flew!!

At the beginning of my cycle prepping for IVF the stork balloon finally flew!

Ok, a little back story: a year ago, during our still naive and we will conceive easily like everyone else phase, we went to the balloon fiesta like we do every year. That year I noticed for the first time that there was a balloon shaped like a stork with a baby!! I was so excited! We got our picture with the balloon and just knew it was a sign. Then... the balloon failed to take off. All the other balloon had launched, but the wind picked up and the stork couldn't fly. After a long attempt, they just took the balloon down and called it a day. I was crushed. Mr. Scuba kept telling me it didn't mean anything, but somehow I knew it did.

Well this year, we went back to the balloon fiesta and the stork flew!!! It was however tethered so that it could give little kids 15 foot rides, but it flew. It actually flew a bunch of times with a bunch of happy giggly kids that got to go up in a real hot air balloon! I feel like this is a sign again, but a much better one this time. Oh and if I have a girl, I always wanted to decorate with butterflies. Well, this year one of the new balloons was the most beautiful butterfly balloon I have ever seen! I hope and pray that these are good signs heading into our IVF cycle!