Update

so we had our WTF with our regular clinic yesterday. Dr. said that he wouldn't change the protocol because other than not getting pregnant, it was a successful cycle. (13 eggs, 12 , fert, 8 on day 5, 1 expanded blast transfered, 4 grade 2 blasts frozen). He does want to do genetic testing of the blasts and for that procedure they do vitrify the embryos for cryo because there is no fresh transfer. They would biopsy the embryos that make it to blast and then freeze them all. Once we get the results of the biopsy, they will then do a frozen transfer about 8 weeks later of the normal embryos. I was really concerned that our clinic does not do vitrification because the survival rate is a lot better that way. That is why we decided to do a consult with CCRM. However, our clinic does do vitrification for the CGH genetic testing, so we felt a lot better. 

I was underwhelmed by my CCRM consult. The doc just seemed uninterested. He did say that he would use the same protocol also because It seemed to work well the first time. He also recommended CGH due to the severe MFI and the 2 failed cycles. He also recommended a HSG which I haven't had before. He said that blocked tubed can cause a backup of toxic fluid in the uterus and impede IVF implantation. He also recommended a biopsy of the endometrial lining, but at our WTF my doc said it wasn't a great test, that it is painful and not a great predictor, and wouldn't really change a lot anyway.

So I called my clinic today and they agreed to do the HSG. They also gave us a few financial incentives to help keep our business since we are 100% out of pocket and the CGH is pretty expensive.

Now we have to decide whether to get DH back on the meds for the very small chance of fresh sperm at retrieval while delaying our next cycle 6 months, or do we rely on our frozen stash which we will likely use anyway and cycle in June. 


Any and all opinions, thoughts, advise welcome!

Too Much

I can't even believe I held it together this week. I had to spend 2 days this week evaluating child care facilities in the area. That of course included being in the infant rooms for what seemed like forever. I had to stare into the beautiful eyes of these incredible little babies and keep tears from pouring out of my eyes. 

In the middle of all of that I had to go to a friend's house for dinner and goo and gaa over her amazing 2 week old baby boy. I was so thankful that he slept in the corner most of the time. He really was beautiful and it tore me up inside. Somehow I kept up the smiles and never let on how much it killed me inside. Tomorrow, I am supposed to go have breakfast with my sister-in-law and her 2 incredible kids. 

I just don't know how to keep doing this. I have no emotional strength left in me. I am completely done. I don't even have it in me to cry anymore. Even as I put one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward I feel more and more dead inside. I wish I knew how to live through this.