Home and A Few More Steps Out of the Closet

This is where I spent the last week of my life. Lake Powell on a pretty great boat with a pretty great group of people.

We swam, wake-boarded, ate and drank like kings, and thoroughly enjoyed one of the most beautiful lakes in existence! We even went scuba diving! It was horrible visibility and there wasn't a whole lot to see, but I am never one to turn down an opportunity to get my fins wet!

However, with 16 people in that one tight place for a week, interesting things happen. Tempers flare, personalities conflict, and secrets become known.

We found out one night that another couple on the boat was dealing with infertility issues as well. The girl's body is allergic to the proteins in semen and not only is having it inside her very painful, but her body also attacks it with a vengeance. She was recently told by her GYN that IVF will be her only option. She was devastated because with their income they could never afford it. So Mr. Scuba and I got to tell her all about a procedure called IUI that would probably work for her and is a lot less expensive. Then of course the question came of "how do you know about this". Thing is thought that I am never afraid to tell another infertile about our situation. Any chance at making someone else's pain less lonely.

Over the course of the week almost everyone became aware of our situation and were quite supportive. I of course got the "I have a friend who adopted and then got pregnant, maybe you should do that" BS. I also got the "the mind can do powerful things, maybe you just need to relax". Crazy thing is that somehow I didn't want to go bat shit crazy on them. I understood the fear that drove them to tell me these things as if some how that random ray of (BS) hope could make me feel better. I understood their fear of accepting the reality of what we are dealing with and I understood in some weird way they were simply trying to show me compassion. I calmly explained that those things will never change our reality and watched as they searched for some mental construct to deal with the news we had just given them. Honestly I am glad they know and that we have taken a few more stops out of the IF closet. I am still very afraid of too many people knowing, especially if it doesn't work having to tell them all that it failed, but we don't have to tell them when we cycle.

3 days and counting until our repeat semen analysis. We welcome all the prayers we can get.