Infertility Myth: IF is God's Way of Weeding out the Weak - BUSTED

When we first received our diagnosis, I struggled with the thought that this was God's way of keeping us from having children and that for some reason we were not deemed worthy of children in his eyes. After a long struggle, many meetings with my pastor, and a lot of long and hard prayers, I realized that this was a powerful infertility myth. If this myth were true, that would never be a God I would believe in and love, and it would not be a world that I would ever want to participate in let alone bring children into.

Child abusers, rapists, murderers, drug addicts, and frauds have children all the time. For this myth to be true that would mean that they are chosen by God as having better genes and being more fit to raise a child than some of the amazing people I know that suffer with infertility. Does someone who neglects their child, abuses their child, molests their child, have stronger and better genes than we do? Is that the world that God is building? If yes, then I don't want to bring children in to such a horrible place.

What about people suffering with other genetic diseases such as cancer, heart disease, diabetes, schizophrenia, and the like? They have children all the time and rightfully so, but they also have the possibility of passing on those genes. So why should infertility be any different?

I believe the truth is that God loves all of us, blessed each and every one of us with a body that can biologically carry on that love in children, and once they have those children they have the free will to choose how to treat their blessings. Sadly because of so much evil in this world, sometimes those biological rights and functions fail us. The same as when our hearts fail us, or our cells fail us, and we are heaved onto a painful path.

Those of us struggling with infertility have a journey that is beyond hard. That path is made so much more difficult by the ignorance of those who believe this myth and the people who believe that they have a duty to remind us of their belief in such hideous things. This journey is not one of punishment, and it is not one where we are being weeded out by God. This is our cross to bear.

Every person in life have crosses that they must bear and challenges that they must endure. While Mr. S and I bear this cross together we will grow and become stronger. We will face this challenge head on with God by our sides, and whatever the outcome, we will be better and stronger for all our suffering and perseverance . When we have a choice to either give up and believe that we are being weeded out, or keep moving forward with faith, I for one will put one foot in front of the other.


For more information on issues facing people with infertility and some background on National Infertility Awareness Week - please visit http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 and  http://www.resolve.org/takecharge.*

Finally Some Good News!!

All my blood work came back great!!

FSH: 6.1 (anything under 10 is good)
Estradol: in normal ranges
AMH: 12.1
glucose: normal
a bunch of other random stuff: normal

They did say I needed to drink more water though - done and done!

It feels so good to finally get some good news, but now I feel even worse for Mr. Scuba. I know this makes him feel even more broken. He is taking it like a champ, but I know it has to hurt. Part of me really wished that I could share this burden with him and this could be an us thing instead of a him thing.

In reality though, I am glad because this gives us a better shot at the IVF being successful! I keep telling Mr. S that we are infertile, because we can't conceive a child together. I don't want a child with anyone else, so that makes it just as much me as him.

I have no more blood!

So I got my cycle-day 3 blood work done today and wowza - they took 10 vials of blood! 10! I was a bit woozy afterward! It was a good thing DH kept me laughing the whole time so I didn't think about it too much.

It seems so crazy to just be getting to my cd-3 b/w now and I am already working toward IVF. This is supposed to happen at a very different phase of TTC. We really did skip a lot.

Honestly I am nervous. I am not sure we can handle any more bad TTC news. If things are good on my end then the possibility of IVF being successful feels so much more realistic. If not then what is the point of even trying. I am just praying that the results are good. Pray pray pray....

LUCKY SOCKS!!! mm29 - You rock!

It is times like these that IF doesn't seem as lonely! The wonderful Infertility Community Board on "The Bump" had a lucky sock exchange to bring us some luck and warm our feet when they are riding those stirrups!

After a pretty bad day at work, I came home to a wonderful package from my elf mm29

and the frog socks glow in the dark!

This package brought tears to my eyes for a couple of reasons:

1. In such a harsh world, incredible acts of kindness always touch me deeply
2. Frogs are so my thing now!
3. This package was so thought out and so beautiful, it is so clear that my elf is meant to be a mother, and yet here she is in this gut wrenching boat of IF. Life just isn't fair. 

Thank you mm29 you are the best elf ever! 

Beautiful Poem

I am pretty new at all of this infertility stuff, but this poem really really touched me. Enjoy!

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that ...I have read more books,

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

 I have endured and planned over and over again.

 Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

 I will notice everything about my child.

 I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

 I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

 My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which

I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. 

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face,

yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother..."

-Unknown.

Slowly Coming Out of the IF Closet

Mr. Scuba told me about a week ago that keeping our struggles a secret makes things more hurtful for him, so he would rather our family and close friends just know. So, as scary as it was we started telling people. We have been getting a wide range of comments. Some incredibly offensive, and some very supportive.

We told my brother-in-law who has been suffering with IF for 12 years and just got divorced from his wife over it. That one wasn't fun, but I am glad he knows.

My mother-in-law told us that we should not tell anyone because if we have to use donor sperm no one would have to know. Really? Really? This isn't something we should be ashamed of MIL!! Whatever journey we have to take to become parents is our journey and shame shouldn't have to be a part of it, EVER!! She said some other good things as well, but I was jaded at that point. Father-in-law didn't say much other than if we need anything that they are there for us.



We told both my brothers. I think I was the most afraid of telling them. Both took it like a champ. They were so supportive and wonderful and said all the right things. After a long conversation with my older brother about the whole process he said "so basically you are going to pay a whole lot of money for a spin of a roulette wheel which is likely to end up on heartbreak?" Yup that about sums it up!

I am glad the people close to us know, but it is so scary because there are that many more people now to be disappointed if this doesn't work. God I hope this all works!