Almonds to Tennis Balls!

That is the comparison the nurse made about my ovaries today! She said they started out at the size of almonds and they are now almost the size of tennis balls!! No wonder I can't button my pants!

Looks like I will trigger tomorrow for a Wednesday retrieval!!!

"How Are the Follies?"

Mr. Scuba is so cute. After each monitoring appointment, he calls and asks "how are the follies?"

When I get cold at night laying in bed he will make sure to warm me up because "we can't let the follies get cold!" I love him so much!

So the follies are doing great. My meds were lowered a lot yesterday and we started ganirilex to prevent early ovulation. So I am up to 3 shots a day now! Dr. T warned me today that I will probably experience mild OHSS. I am not worried. I am willing to do anything for my babies. Retrieval will probably be sometime in the middle of next week!

1st Follie Check

I have 25 beautiful little follies growing strong!! The Duggars might have some competition!

The Hormones Are Starting to Get to Me

So last night I had a dream that my in real life BFF got pregnant by her boyfriend by accident and had a beautiful baby all before we were able to get pregnant at all. I woke up truly angry and started crying. Then I started thinking about how no one in my real life seems to really get this. I started feeling like I am not getting enough support from those around me who know what is going on, especially my BFF. I was thinking they really just don't get how truly gut wrenching this whole process is. Then I started craving chocolate which I am allergic to which made me cry even more, then I finally cried myself back to sleep.

So that was my first hormone induced bout of craziness! All of the fears and feelings although clearly amplified came from very real places. I really don't think people who have not been through this can possibly understand and I can not blame them for that. They really are there for me and supportive though. Last night I was sitting at the dinner table after a family meal and my Sister-in-law started asking questions about the process and my mother-in-law got in on the conversation and it was nice. It was really nice that they were letting me jabber on and on about what I was going through and how Private Practice isn't a very accurate version of this. They were being so sweet and kind. My family talks to me all the time about this process and is very positive and supportive. My BFF has talked with me a lot about this process and she really has been there for me. It has only been a few days of stims and while for me this is earth shattering, it really is just a few days of shots. I hope she calls to check on me soon, but I know she will, she has always been there for me.

Then I had a dream that a scary duck ate my ring right off my finger and I woke up crying again. Silly hormones!

The Real Initiation

I feel like last night was a true full initiation into the world of infertility. I had to give myself my first menopur shot in the bathroom of a party last night! I couldn't miss my sister-in-law's birthday party, but I couldn't miss my shot either, so I thought no big deal I will just do it in the bathroom. I am still laughing at myself today for thinking that was going to be easy. First of all, it was the first one, so it took forever to mix everything. Second, it was a little hard to sneak Mr. Scuba in there without people noticing. Third, it burned so bad I came out looking white as a freaking ghost!! Fourth, well it bled a lot so I ended up with blood on one of my favorite shirts! No one seemed to notice anything though, except my sister in law who knows what is going on.

The point I guess is that I did it. I lived my regular life and my infertile life simultaneously and survived.

First Injection....

Check! 225 of follistim is now coursing through my body! I can't believe this is actually happening!

Now I want to go and look up every side effect because I am nervous, but I don't want to because I don't want to give myself any phantom side effects either! All this nervous excited energy... ah to start something new.

It Feels Like Yesterday

It feels like just yesterday we were sitting in despair with no hope and no answers and nothing but a big bunch of bad news. It feels like just yesterday we got on this raging roller-coaster of doubt, of fear, of uncertainty, of pain, and anguish. It feels like just yesterday I never believed I would be at this day.

We are now standing at the precipice of hope, that really scary part of the roller-coaster where you have made it through so many of the big ups and downs and you think you might be at the end, but you really have no idea what is in store. What we have today is that huge squint your eyes hard, brace for anything, and hold on tight hope. Hope, something I never thought we would actually have.

Wednesday our baseline went very well and I start injections tomorrow morning. A little needle in a fancy case full of possibilities.

God, tonight I pray to you with everything I have in my soul: Please turn this hope into a miracle. Amen.