Frogfish Love

We just got back from our FU IF vacation in Maui yesterday and I HATED to come back to reality!! We had an incredible vacation - more on that later. 

While we were there I had a couple of amazing infertility related moments, but one I would really like to share. 

As we were diving I spotted an amazingly rare sight. Two frog fish were hanging out on the rail of a sunken ship literally holding fins! The dive master came and explained on an underwater slate that it was a male and a female and the female was soooo full that she was ready to burst with eggs. I immediately thought OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome)!! No kidding! The male was there to help her release the eggs and then to fertilize the eggs once they were released. The dive master said that she would release within hours. (The picture to the left was taken on that dive by the dive master. If you look at the orange ball on the left, that is the female all puffed up with eggs. On the bar are their fins, and the not as bright orange fish on the right is the male. You can kind of see that he is not as round and huge as she is. Yes, I know they are strange looking fish! Google frogfish if you want to see what the whole fish looks like). 

Mr. Scuba and I looked at each other and I actually started crying underwater!! He knew exactly why. To me it felt like a moment that we were meant to witness. I felt so close to those beautiful fish, because that is how Mr. Scuba and I are going to make babies. Get me so full of eggs that I am going to nearly explode and then have him there to hold my hand and to fertilize (with a bit of help from the lab of course). 

I may be crazy, but that once in a lifetime moment really felt like a sign saying that everything is going to be OK, even though this isn't happening the way I thought it would. 

Reason #6

Reason #6 I love Mr. Scuba is that he is an AMAZING travel partner. If I only had one person to travel with the rest of my life, it would certainly be him!

New Plan

Ok, so invited or not, the bitch is coming with us on vacation. If that is the only thing that goes wrong, I think I will be OK with that.

So AF is going to be here tonight or tomorrow so I could get my blood-work done before I leave, but honestly I don't want to worry about the results while we are relaxing on the beach. Also, it it is bad news, then it would ruin our vacation, and I know I am not strong enough to wait until I get back to find out!! DH agrees. So, b/w will have to wait until next cycle and I really think I am OK with that.

3 days and counting until paradise!! Yay!

FU AF!!!

FU Aunt Flo!! Seriously? For the first time in forever I actually want you to show up and you are completely MIA! With all the stress this cycle has endured I know I ovulated late so you are right around the corner, but didn't you get the memo that you are NOT invited on our FU IF vacation? Why do you only show up when you are not wanted?!

Furthermore, I need to get my CD3 blood-work done and I want it done before we go to Hawaii. If that doesn't happen we will have to wait another full cycle before getting it done. I deserve some good news right now, and if it is bad news, I deserve to know sooner rather than later. I certainly deserve to know before Mr. Scuba starts putting huge needles in his ass!

The worst part is you have me thinking some how in some crazy world, maybe I am KU... and then comes reality. I really really really hate you!

So in sum, Aunt Flo, you better show up or else!!

Amazing Gift

My parents are simply amazing. They have been wonderfully supportive since we got our news. When they found out that we needed to get a loan in order to afford the IVF cycle, rather than us going to the bank, they handed us a check for $15,000!! I just cried and cried. It is a loan of course and we will be paying back the money, but I still couldn't believe their generosity. I pray we can give them the "interest" on their loan that they are really hoping for!! 

Out of Denial, on to Decisions

We had our MFI specialist appointment today.

First off, I LOVED Mr. Scuba's MFI (Male Factor Infertility) Urologist. He was amazing. He spent over an hour with us explaining anything and everything we could possibly think of.

Now, cue the end of denial, and onto acceptance that IVF/ICSI is truly our only option for conceiving a child. It is devastating, but wallowing won't do us any good anymore. It is time for action.

Now for the decisions. We can either put Mr. Scuba on a medical protocol that gives us a chance of having his sperm count increased for a better chance at a successful IVF. The problem is that if we do the protocol, we have to wait for the IVF cycle. While waiting their is a possibility that Mr. Scuba's condition could actually get worse. There is absolutely no way to know either way. We still need time to get some money for all of this and I need time for my head to stop spinning.

So decisions, decisions. . . Do we jump right into cycling or do we try to medically enhance Mr. Scuba's sperm to give us a better chance while taking the risk that it could all get worse? If only I had a crystal ball.