One Lonely Little Line

That is a sight I have seen far too many times. One sad lonely pathetic crushing little line. I took a home pregnancy test this morning and it looked like every one I have ever taken in my life. Stark white. My heart was beating so fast during those two minutes. I just knew that second line would pop up and I could jump and yell and scream with excitement like I have dreamed of doing for so long.

The longer I stared at that screen the further my heart sank. I squinted, I stared, I willed a second line to magically appear with every bit of my being. Nothing. I have never looked so hard at a pregnancy test in my whole life. I have never wanted this more than I do now. Instead I am crushed.

Here it is again, that horrible awful feeling that I will never experience a life growing inside of me. That I will never hear the sound of my own baby's cry. That I will never have a family of my own. That I am not meant to be a mother.